Today, I made pilgrimage to the land of meatballs and self assembly furniture. Sometimes one just has to go to Ikea. I have a hard time at Ikea...Honestly, a really hard time.
Reason 1- The dollhouses. That is what I call the tiny model homes created as a way for you to see the merchandise they have.
My issue? You can see all the cute things they have in the store, but there is no way to buy them all because you will never be able to find them. On the other side of the wall is probably a display of cribs, or a restaurant, or a robot squashing a chair repeatedly. If you do manage to write down the special code number, that only assures you the opportunity to go searching around in the Costco hiding near the checkout counter.
Reason 2- Too many choices. Just when you think you know what you want at Ikea, you will be shown something else, that is perhaps similar, or very different or THE SAME DAMN THING configured to look totally different. And don't even try to remember the names, because that chair called Hilda that you really like has an evil twin called Halles that looks the same but isn't really. Recap: I am overwhelmed by choices and, now I can't find the things I am interested in anyway.
Reason 3- The maze/rat trap layout that is Ikea. I feel lost in Ikea, perpetually lost. I get the idea that you are supposed to feel like you are wandering through a forest, discovering new and exciting things. However, I feel like I am being tortured and cannot find my way out of the maze. Other people have this issue too. Recap: Now, I am overwhelmed by choices I can't find because I am lost...
Reason 4- The smell. I am not a big fan of being forced to smell things. I don't like it when my own house smells like food. I hate room service because then the hotel room smells. I like the waiter to take away my plate after my meal to get rid of the smells. In short, I am smell sensitive. Ikea smells like Swedish meatballs. The entire top floor. It's just awful to try and shop while having to smell meatballs. Sure, the meatballs are tasty to eat, but I don't want to smell them while I shop. Recap: I am overwhelmed, disoriented, unable to find merchandise and it stinks like food that will either make me starving hungry or incredibly nauseous.
Reason 5- The meltdowns. It doesn't matter when you go to Ikea, you will be forced to deal with crying children and adults having an argument. The children are probably are upset because they are trapped and smell food they can't find. The adults are confused, disoriented and trapped in tiny houses. And as a fellow shopper, you get to bask in their dysfunction in a big way. Recap- Confused, lost, hungry, frustrated and tortured.
Reason 6- I can't live up to this level of expectation. Every time I visit Ikea, I feel like I am being mocked for my inability to become more Ikea-like. However hard I try, I would not be able to live in a 475 sq ft home, despite the cute dollhouses to the contrary. My style isn't that of whimsical furry pillows or sleek contemporary, and yet I leave feeling as if I have somehow failed. Recap: Irritated, overwhelmed, disoriented, hungry, needing earplugs, and feeling like you aren't living/shopping/existing correctly.
I can't imagine how they attract customers. Oh wait, they make it all so cheap, we are willing to punish ourselves.
Reason 1- The dollhouses. That is what I call the tiny model homes created as a way for you to see the merchandise they have.My issue? You can see all the cute things they have in the store, but there is no way to buy them all because you will never be able to find them. On the other side of the wall is probably a display of cribs, or a restaurant, or a robot squashing a chair repeatedly. If you do manage to write down the special code number, that only assures you the opportunity to go searching around in the Costco hiding near the checkout counter.
Reason 2- Too many choices. Just when you think you know what you want at Ikea, you will be shown something else, that is perhaps similar, or very different or THE SAME DAMN THING configured to look totally different. And don't even try to remember the names, because that chair called Hilda that you really like has an evil twin called Halles that looks the same but isn't really. Recap: I am overwhelmed by choices and, now I can't find the things I am interested in anyway.
Reason 3- The maze/rat trap layout that is Ikea. I feel lost in Ikea, perpetually lost. I get the idea that you are supposed to feel like you are wandering through a forest, discovering new and exciting things. However, I feel like I am being tortured and cannot find my way out of the maze. Other people have this issue too. Recap: Now, I am overwhelmed by choices I can't find because I am lost...
Reason 4- The smell. I am not a big fan of being forced to smell things. I don't like it when my own house smells like food. I hate room service because then the hotel room smells. I like the waiter to take away my plate after my meal to get rid of the smells. In short, I am smell sensitive. Ikea smells like Swedish meatballs. The entire top floor. It's just awful to try and shop while having to smell meatballs. Sure, the meatballs are tasty to eat, but I don't want to smell them while I shop. Recap: I am overwhelmed, disoriented, unable to find merchandise and it stinks like food that will either make me starving hungry or incredibly nauseous.
Reason 5- The meltdowns. It doesn't matter when you go to Ikea, you will be forced to deal with crying children and adults having an argument. The children are probably are upset because they are trapped and smell food they can't find. The adults are confused, disoriented and trapped in tiny houses. And as a fellow shopper, you get to bask in their dysfunction in a big way. Recap- Confused, lost, hungry, frustrated and tortured.
Reason 6- I can't live up to this level of expectation. Every time I visit Ikea, I feel like I am being mocked for my inability to become more Ikea-like. However hard I try, I would not be able to live in a 475 sq ft home, despite the cute dollhouses to the contrary. My style isn't that of whimsical furry pillows or sleek contemporary, and yet I leave feeling as if I have somehow failed. Recap: Irritated, overwhelmed, disoriented, hungry, needing earplugs, and feeling like you aren't living/shopping/existing correctly.
I can't imagine how they attract customers. Oh wait, they make it all so cheap, we are willing to punish ourselves.
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